I noticed that I'm really anxious and grouchy now that I'm on US soil. Security here is such a pain in the ass. Always insane lines, retarded don't-give-a-fuck workers, and I just want to go smoke. I don't think I waited on a line for longer than 2 mins in Paris or Amsterdam. Even at the Louvre, where coat check is free, maybe 2 people ahead of me. The trains were exactly on time if not early, and the food, even at shitty little falafel chains was amazing.
Granted we were high the whole time.
So, now I have that regret that I've just blown a shitload of money. Also, I feel the weight of my former life starting to tighten around me. But fuck that shit. I'm not letting anything get me down or get in my way. I'll help and do what I can but I'm only truly concerned with myself, just like everyone else.
Sitting on the floor of the Philly airport as my phone charges. I need to get a beer, even though I said I wasn't going to drink when I got back, but fuck it, I'm still on vacation motherfuckers.
Giant pint of Stella. Now, for the appetizer sampler platter or the soup and wrap? Hmm. Do I need food? Maybe just drink myself silly for the 50 minute flight home. Oh home, NYC, how I've missed you. Greatest city in the world.
I've seen Boston, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Orlando, Miami (briefly), Pittsburgh, Philly, Bogota, umm...Chicago from the highway, what else...Albany? Uhh...Oneonta? Shit I can't think. Prob a few others not worth mentioning.
Philly was my close second. I came here years ago and just loved it immediately. Next is San Francisco. Nice city, but spread out too far for serious walking. And pretty much co-opted by commercialism and chains just like the rest of the world: at Haight & Ashbury is a Gap.
Paris was nice. Huge, huge, huge ass buildings. Like bigger than you can think, unable to fit in the frame of a digital photo. But it all becomes redundant. Same old ass buildings with the occasionally overly ornate massive structure. Still cool because of how many people I dig that went there, walked the same streets I did.
Amsterdam though, is the most beautiful, cool city I can imagine. Coffee shops aside, it's just breathtaking. Walk along the canals at night, the streetlights casting just the right amount of light so as to create a circle of light reaching out into the darkness and then falls short of the next, allowing you to linger in the void between. The buildings all plainly designed, yet stunning in their simplicity. They feel like wood, paint, stone should. Real.
So now I'm home and it feels good. Although the stress of coming back to the weight, the burden, the responsibilities, it's nearly more than I can bear.
But as I repeat to myself, my positivity mantra, which even my mom told me tonight, it'll work out, it always does. And it's true.
So I'll go to New School on Monday and pay money so I can register. I'll start outlining a screenplay, a short story, and comic scripts. The lettering of Liquid Fury I'll start over this coming week when I go to the studio. I'll avoid the people in my life that are bringing me down for their own selfish gain, say everything I need to everyone I can, and make plans for the future.
I'm ready to take over the world.