But I've been working despite the loss of my PowerBook. My phone's been running a little hot lately. So I decided to stay in tonight. I couldn't do it. I went out to Odessa to get food and that was rough enough.
I just freeze up in public. So aware that I'm not comfortable, thinking of how I walk, sit, talk, breathe. Examining how I must appear to those around me. Unable to just relax and be natural, every moment is spent dissecting my very being.
So it gets hard to relate because I assume I'm vastly superior to others because of my intense self-awareness. No one else can see the structure that our interactions, our social lives, our whole damn society rests upon. I get so much information from casual conversation, I interpret actions to fit a preconcieved notion, and then I propagate my own intense misery.
I take small slights in major ways, holding grudges and bitterness. I used to anyways. I'm trying to leave that behind me. I realize it's me, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can't relate because others are human beings, part of mankind, and therefore society, which we all know is the true enemy.
The fabricated rules of norm which we all must adhere to don't apply to me. I've stepped outside reality and watch the game from afar. I have very little interest in returning to the game as well. I just don't see the point.
And hopefully this point will arise now. I'm prepping myself for a grand adventure, and will hopefully return to a new, more stable, lifestyle when I get back. Working on Tower of Brahma chapter 55, 9 more to go. Scary that after 5 years it'll be done. Wrote an awesome bit about my dad which was accidently discarded by my rogue thumb. Wound up as my last post.
Still working on the comic pitches but I have so much passion for these ideas that I want to really develop them. For anyone reading this, please post a comment to let me know if you read comics and if not what would give you incentive to start?
Would making them cheap, disposible, and based in specific areas of New York City, picked up from subway stations, or band flyer tables, etc., would that make people give reading them a shot?
I just also have to say I love polish food and 50's comics.