laser vision

new look 2009 model

kevin & magda

stars & bolts

Posted via Pixelpipe.

Tales of Suspense Notes 2

Aliens, fake projection by scientist, world peace
Janitor time travel forethought ambition morality
Failed space travel, anti-propaganda, president
Dictator, controlled by plants
Robot racism, camps, assassin power down

Anti-technoligical message. Science as propaganda, promoting peace. Prison as eden. Puppet power pawn deflate. Tom and Zack fighting off attacks from Kang. Shield Agent and Stark Techxpert, taking out runaway technology.

Tom "Cap's Cuz" tries too hard. He's too eager. Wants approval. Zack is too cocky, too invested in his own skills to think outside himself. Both self-centered, learn the human fatalities of superhuman attacks.

Every other day writing

Should be every day.

But I've been working despite the loss of my PowerBook. My phone's been running a little hot lately. So I decided to stay in tonight. I couldn't do it. I went out to Odessa to get food and that was rough enough.

I just freeze up in public. So aware that I'm not comfortable, thinking of how I walk, sit, talk, breathe. Examining how I must appear to those around me. Unable to just relax and be natural, every moment is spent dissecting my very being.

So it gets hard to relate because I assume I'm vastly superior to others because of my intense self-awareness. No one else can see the structure that our interactions, our social lives, our whole damn society rests upon. I get so much information from casual conversation, I interpret actions to fit a preconcieved notion, and then I propagate my own intense misery.

I take small slights in major ways, holding grudges and bitterness. I used to anyways. I'm trying to leave that behind me. I realize it's me, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can't relate because others are human beings, part of mankind, and therefore society, which we all know is the true enemy.

The fabricated rules of norm which we all must adhere to don't apply to me. I've stepped outside reality and watch the game from afar. I have very little interest in returning to the game as well. I just don't see the point.

And hopefully this point will arise now. I'm prepping myself for a grand adventure, and will hopefully return to a new, more stable, lifestyle when I get back. Working on Tower of Brahma chapter 55, 9 more to go. Scary that after 5 years it'll be done. Wrote an awesome bit about my dad which was accidently discarded by my rogue thumb. Wound up as my last post.

Still working on the comic pitches but I have so much passion for these ideas that I want to really develop them. For anyone reading this, please post a comment to let me know if you read comics and if not what would give you incentive to start?

Would making them cheap, disposible, and based in specific areas of New York City, picked up from subway stations, or band flyer tables, etc., would that make people give reading them a shot?

I just also have to say I love polish food and 50's comics.

K

Tales to Astonish Notes

Issue 1
Aliens. War vs Peace. Judgment of looks.
Snoop smeller
Space travel. Overpopulation. Finding answer within.
Prison. Living Ghost. Mind control lawyer.
Origin of Robinson Crusoe. Life of adventure.
Metors, atomic arc, shrinking, aliens testing us

Xenophobia, illusion of similarity
External leading to internal
Zealousness leads to failure
Science salvation
A tech off

A complex of some sort. A stable base of operations that should feel familiar. Jim Lawson feels more at home there. Some sort of extreme edge of a reality tear. A shape. Circle?

Ultron, Leader, Kang steal technology that "cures" the Hulk. Leads them to create monsters to defeat the present.

Bruce should be the old hand scientist. More wild and reckless. Indestrutible guinea pig and battler of the beasts. He's thankful to Jim but feels obligated to help. Kind of wants out and on his own.

Hank is just Hank. Moody, eccentric, paranoid, yet brilliant. He represents the internal, trying to repair the broken inside. Shrinking compacts his body, makes him invisible, less of him in the world.

Jim, nervous, a young "lifer" scientist, who has had some successed based on combining unorthodox sciences. He's a numbers guy and does the hard science, Bruce pushes him in the right direction, and Hank makes it happen.

Ultron: evil AI. Cyborg. Robot. Computers. 1 & 0.
Leader: pushing science too far. Monsters. Reptile.
Kang: conqueror, mastermind, general. Time travel.

Messages from bed

So now it's 2009. Insane. It feels like everything is new, like I, and everyone I know, have started a new story.

I lost my laptop and all my photos and work and writing. So I've been trying to get my old Dell laptop running, and reading some old writing of mine. I used this computer when I first moved to NYC. And the writing dates as far back as senior year of high school.

It feels good seeing this old stuff, to be reading my thoughts uncensored by who I've become. I feel like I've been struggling for so long to get back to who I was way back when. I was always happy-go-lucky and no one could get me down for long.

And moment by moment I feel it coming back. I talk to strangers, I give money and chat with the homeless, I have great people in my life who love me. I finally have firmly, and boldy stood up to the two bullies in my life, my dad and my boss.

My dad is just a self-absorbed asshole and he texted (for the first time ever) to ask me to stay over after Xmas but I had to go back to work. When I told him that he wrote back 'fuck off scum' @hugnkiss@. That was pretty much the final straw.

When I was 11 he told me he wouldn't be some sort of involved father. When I was in college him and my mom got into fights over me. When I was 25 my parents split and no longer obligated to talk to him we let two years go by without talking. When we did he then told me that if it wasn't for staying with my mom and us that he would be rich and happy with someone else, and on father's day this year, he looked me in the eyes and said "you, you're fucked".

I knew it was projection, I knew it was the scotch and resentment bubbling up together that let that loose. And I felt pity for him. He was sad and lonely. But how much do I have to do for someone who's looked at me with nothing but resentment, treated me like he was a jealous sibling rather than a healthy, supportive, proud father.

So I asked him to try and be nice to me. Then after a few drinks and past midnight, I texted him asking if we needed to fight. I'd fight him, i'd kick the shit out of him, and when he lie on the ground bleeding i'd help him up, hoping that he'd have a deeper understanding of who I am. I'm not fucking around anymore.

This is my life and it's moving forward, and I will not be disrespected. So when my boss started giving me shit on the phone for things that were not my fault, speaking to me like a dumb child, I stopped him short, replied firmly the details, and got it done. All without freaking out, which is very much what I wanted to do every other time he'd enrage me with just a quick offhanded comment.

So yeah, my laptop dies, and I stand up for myself. There is an odd connection between computers and my dad. Not sure what exactly but I guess I associate them with him, and now I'm kicking it old school, with my laptop and my attitude.

Happy New Year!

K

Naked Lunch Notes

Red door 42
Exterminator
Exterminate all rational thought
Keruoac Ginsberg debate
Guilt vs Sin
Editing vs Stream of conciousness
Kafka
Centipedes
Green door
Blue dress Joan
Shooting up
Literary high
Feel like a bug
Guys at exterminator
Coffee, alien guy
Fluoride stuff
Glasses guy
Cops
Green walls
Headshot
Brown suits
Bring in roach/case manager
Clark Nova
12 mins in
Worked out
Cops extensions of Keruoac/Ginsberg
Future imposing itself on present
Obvious hallucination
InterZone
Kill Joan
Enemy agent
Kills bug with shoe
Runs key in the door
Home Joan
Acknowledges hallucination
Junkie
One last stash
Bug powder
Drawn to it
Sexuality of drugs
Lips kiss
Subway snatch
Lift lie centipedes
Telling stories
Benway
Drug lingo a friend
Black vs yellow
Centipede secret agent
Undercover
The addict
Kick Score
Doctor Help
Believe his own cover story
Larval state
Foreign market
Hallucination jump
New Yorkers
Centipede on stick
Brown and blue
He's in Tan
Cries sobs uncontrollably
Ginsberg reading aloud
Keruoac Joan Fucking
Ginsberg hits on Bill
Arm vs Leg
William Tell
Shoots Joan Shot Glass
The moment that sets him off as a writer
Killing the feminine
Alone single pain regret
Causes writing
We create situations to gives us pain we turn into fiction
Bill leaves
Bar, homosexual Kiki
Doesn't finish sentence
Can't admit it
Sexual ambulance did you say?
Mugwamp
Alien reptile
Mythic resonance
Hole in the forehead, sexualizing
Fetishisizing
InterZone ticket
Pawn shop
Gun for typewriter
Words as weapons
5 bullets
Ginsberg
We see the reality
Ticket is drugs
Report
Hangin man mugwump on his back
Agony symbiosis
Confession as distanced fiction
Diner
Story of Joan
Intiator Selling Black Meat
Backstory of the drug
Mixed with his life
New Yorks in arabic market
Slaughterhouse of giant centipede
Alone in his room
Hand signals for drugs
Purchasing agent
Room typewriter
Head back typewriter typing
Subconcious speaking
Roach Clark Nova
Shock
Hallucination carrying over into reality
Type out
Homosexuality is the best all around cover an agent can have
Trying to admit it to himself
Forceful massochism
Manly sexuality of power/domination
Asshole speaking
Denying self places blame on impure feelings morally and physically repulsive on body part
Blue brown
Reimagines Joan intellectually
Hans
Tom Frost
Young men
Kiki centipede
Blue darker hair up
Tan suit
Telepathic conversation
Murdered his wife
Tom as projection of himself
Slowly poisoning his wife
Fedela
Admitting his flaws on Tom
Long hand Joan
Cloakey finds him on beach
Wasted
O'Leary party
He left his conciousness to party
White suit light blue
Eve breakfast
Queer
A curse, been in our family for generations, the Lees have always been perverts. I'll never forget the unsepakable horror that frozew the lymphs in my glands when thee words seared my reeling brain. I was a homosexual. Was it possible I was one of those subhuman things? A wise old Queen taught me that I had a duty to burden for all to see.
Telling stories.
You sound as if you could use a drink.
Excuse
Foot bruised from drugs
Sentence left off at confession
Centipede bathroom kill
Mirrors Joans breathing roach kill
Joan sleeveless plaid
Humor
Presuming he wants to sleep with people
Hans arrested and deported
Hash resin almond paste
Pretzel puzzle
Martinelli
Martin reaching out
Hank confession of addiction to imaginary substance
Withdrawal
Two typewriters
Fractured soul
Screaming
Clark Nova attacking Martinelli
Him smashing it
Enemy agent
Vulnerabilities
Seduce Joan
The Almohades
Apt 4A brown wood door
Blue skirt
New York restuarant
Probably threw it on the floor
Hallucinations acknowledgement
Arabic typewriter
Sexualizing danger of writing
Hash paste erotica hair down
Sexualizing objects
Giving them sexual power
Instilling them with passion
Anus repeating poem
Sleeping with Ginsberg
Sexual torso beast
The spasmodic pulse after orgasm that reduces sex to bodies pure physical
Fedela comes and exorcises torso beast off railing
Superego imposing itself on sexual desires
Smashing typewriter
Tom &
Brown and Blue
Hallucinations
Dressing excuses
Plant roots control voodoo Fedela
Festish body items
Black fedela
Joan leaves with her penance
Bill back to typing reports
Make sense of black drug
Pressed to his neck
Programmed to kill his wife
Drunk
Fedela sent Joan to marry her
Unconcious agent is a faithful agent
Women aren't human
Different species
Tom gunpoint
Take Clark Nova
Give up run off
Martinelli rebuilt by Kiki
Sleeping on beach
Bag of drugs
Reality comes in
Keruoac and Ginsberg
Suitcase pillowcase duffel bag
Writing machine
Get book together
Finish the book
Naked Lunch
Keruaoc names book
Never saw the pages
Collosal con
A well organized cabal
Philosophy of drug use as it relates to artistic endevour
Last drug use
Leaving him at the bus stop
A different reality
All-American Interzone
America is not a young land
Evil
Stay until you finish the book
Real life and hallucination
Zone takes care of its own
Bus right to left blue and white
Drunk in alley crying
Kiki rebuilds typewriter
Vulnerable severed
Can't go home
Mugwump head new writing machine
Liquid phallic substitute
Functional writing hallucination
A hazardous trade
CIA
Giving yourself over to be a writer...
Mirror next assignment
Hungry for adventure
Cloaky
Seduce or otherwise compromise
Benway runs InterZone Inc
Black meat drug trade
Conspiracy
Affectionate with Kiki
His sexual gay side
Wonderful car
Red powerful sexual
Kiki backseat on Bill's side
Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk?
Writing zone as he faces gay side
Balance between hallucination and reality
Corporate life in North africa
Red parrot
Aggressive sexual
Go see parrots
Centipede
Gun typewriter Tom
Fourth Act
Clark Nova's dying words
Where's Joan Fedela
The dealer
All agents defect all resistors sells out
A writer lives the sad truth like anyone else, the only difference is he files a report on it.
Scarab to typewriter
Drug factory
Oral sucking drug chains
Idealized victim Joan
Rescuing feminine
All is lost all is lost
All I've ever written
Hans Benway
Mugwump gism
Switching drug recovery
Benway rips open Fedela identity
More feminine
Conspiracy that controls his life
Cigar puddle
Annexia
32 caliber
Can't write without her
Kills Joan to prove his is a writer
He must sacrifice feminine embrace the identity of homosexual to bring up the inner conflict in order to write.
Cops as guards
Evolution of his cycle, return to pain to write
Glass unbroken
The cup of magical symbology
Gun as sword

Naked Lunch Notes

Red door 42
Exterminator
Roaches
Kafka
Centipedes
Exterminator manager
Keruoac Ginsberg debate
Rewrite is to decieve
Editing due to guilt
Exterminate all rational thought